Lovely conjunctions and phrases.

Today, I got by.
With a lot of help from my friends.
Sometimes feelings of failure, inadequacy, and reminders of my past traumatic experiences become too overwhelming.
But then I remember that I am still alive and I have overcome too much to quit or back down now. I am too fucking resilient.

Happy side note: today one of my greatest friends gave me my favorite Neutral Milk Hotel album on vinyl.

Happier side note: I’m finally allowing myself to vent and talk to people about my troubles. It’s nice to vent on tumblr but it really helps clear the fog from my body and mind when I find the strength to talk.

-V

propertyofzack:

Neutral Milk Hotel have reunited after 15 years since playing with each other. The band has announced a string of dates with more coming soon. Check out the routing and a message from the band below!

Read More

Please announce CT/MA dates. Please please please.

Another flashback today.
“What if I did that?”
What if.
You did.

Tonight’s going to be a long night.

Some nights I just have I throw in the towel.
No matter how “perfect” my life is or how lucky I may seem, I’m still just a beaten up used rag doll.
I want so much more for the person I am now than who I was.
I want to be rid of the sadness and unforgiving pain.
But that’s not how life works. The pain makes me the person I am today. Stubborn, merciless, passionate, and untrusting.

Good night 3am world.

It’s one of those days where something randomly triggers those unwanted memories and experiences.
The slightly shorter than average height, medium build, defined facial structures, dark hair, tan skin…
I promised I’d never speak of it and that it wouldn’t be a burden anymore. But these flashbacks, the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of my stomach, the rapid heartbeat… I can’t deny that I’m not still sad or pained.
It isn’t so much a burden but more of a reminder of why I’m the way I am now.
I am so happy now with how my life is going but that doesn’t quite erase the past.
There are still too many questions and loose ends left. But I prefer to leave it that way so I don’t have to revisit a terrible time.

Call me pathetic, call me what you will.